Payday for "K-Fed"

The once happy couple (cough, cough) have been hammering out the details of their divorce. According to MSNBC:


Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have hammered out the details of their split, and it’s reportedly going to cost the “Toxic” singer $13 million. What’s more, Star magazine says that Spears was reluctant to finalize the split.

“Do you really want to do this?” Spears asked K-Fed as the two met to discuss final details of their divorce, reports to the upcoming issue of the tab.

K-Fed said yes, and his estranged wife replied, “You’re the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, but thank you for my babies.”

Then the two puffed on cigarettes for a 15-minute smoking break, then hashed out the financial terms of their split, according to Star.

The tabloid also claims that Federline led Spears to believe that the two would get together after she got out of rehab because he wanted to encourage her to stay in the treatment center.

Among the details, according to the tab:

A 2004 prenup called for K-Fed to get $250,000 for each year of their marriage, but Spears upped that figure to $500,000 to speed up the negotiations.
He receives half the proceeds from their Malibu mansion, which is on the market for $13.5 million.

Spears will pay $25,000 a month in child support for each of the couple’s two children until they reach 18. He also gets custody of the boys four days a week.
Federline gets to keep all the gifts Spears bought them during their marriage.
He’s forbidden from writing a tell-all about their marriage

As I predicted when I heard these two jumped the gun and got married, this boy was so in it for the payday. But hell, if I were in his shoes (Broke, talentless with one of the richest girls in the world drooling over me for some unknown reason) I may just do the same thing. He can take care of all 200 of his kids and still maintain his habit of personalized Ferrari's for the rest of his life. Score 13 million for K-Fed!

Simon tries reverse psychology

Sanjaya. The wonder of Sanjaya. Last night he sang "Cheek to Cheek". And yes, again- he sucked. I think he's at the point where he knows he sucks, so much so that he kept losing the tune and just went down to dance with Paula. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, eh? Simon gives up and tries some reverse psychology with America, saying one word: "Incredible". Good for you Simon.

Now, while I respect and enjoy Howard Stern, I beg him for the sake of my ears- Please call off your people voting for him, I can't take it anymore.

Didn't Tara Reid teach you ANYTHING?!?!?

Welcome to Tara Reid 101: If you get a Tummy Tuck and get lipo, and they doctor you went to sucks and gave you a stomach with skin hanging down and lumps- THAT'S BAD. You should not be wearing a bikini, just like heavy women shouldn't. Just because you're skinny and spent thousands on your bod doesn't mean it looks good. Doesn't anyone look in a mirror anymore???

Headed to the ranch?

Ms. Britney, out of rehab, has not been photographed without a had and doll-hair wig since she got out. Uh, you are worth a hundred million dollars and you can't afford to go buy a good wig you can wear without a hat? Call Tyra Banks, she'll hook you up. But seriously, I think she should just rock her shaved head. Wear it like a badge of honor, girl! You had your reasons for doing it. Sure, there was a few grams of cocaine and a couple bottles of Grey Goose involved, but hey, we all make mistakes!

Ohno they di-in't!

Oh- yes they did. Last night on Dancing with the "Stars", Apolo Anton Ohno and his dance partner Julianne Something-or-other danced the Jive, doing a VERY VERY BAD impression of the ingenious dance scene done by Travolta and Thurman in "Pulp Fiction". (When I locate a picture of their costumes, I'll post it!) What I couldn't figure out is why anyone would do such a thing? I mean, come on people. Why do you have to do really bad imitations of great things? Tarantino must be cringing. I feel your pain Quentin.

Shake your bon-bon

Yes, it's Monday night. That means it's "Dancing with the Stars" night. I use the word "Stars" loosely, as I'm sure the producers at ABC do as well.

How Heather Mills even qualifies as a 'Star' is beyond me. So she shagged the hell out of Paul McCartney, who brought her out of her soft-porn modeling career, had a child, got married and now she's sucking him dry in divorce proceedings. Didn't his daughter Stella predict this outcome? And now all of a sudden she's a "Star" on a network TV reality show? Did I miss something??? I actually do hope her fake leg falls off. At least she would entertain me for a moment.

I'm from the 90210 generation, so I get the Ian Ziering thing. I was a HUGE fan of Cheers, so I am rooting for John Ratzenberger to go far. Go Cliff Claven!

Wonder what 'The View' is like with her head so far up her ass?

I don't understand Elisabeth Hasselbeck. How could someone from the same generation as myself have their head so far up their own ass when it comes to politics? I have never been much of a Rosie O'Donnell fan, but can I just say that she is one of my heroes of late. Watching her yell at Elisabeth, telling her how wrong she is to back a moron like President Bush, to back a piece of shit law like the Patriot Act, and to defend what these assholes are doing in places like Abu Gharib and Guantanamo just makes me feel like a proud Rosie fan all of a sudden. You go on with your bad self Rosie (and thumbs up to Joy Behar as well for backing her up!). Keep up the good work. (Side note to Barbara Walters: Thank you Thank you Thank you for getting rid of that egomaniac Star Jones. She pains me. There are no words for her. What the hell is Court TV thinking?)

What the F*CK is going on here?

Does her makeup artist have a grudge against her- or what!? Did she not look in the mirror before her perfomance on 'The Today Show'? Poor, poor Beyonce. No matter how hard you try you are still an overrated musician. Without studio remixes and backup singers, you wouldn't be where you are today.